Something Ideal

I just read an article that I've seen floating around Facebook the last few days:

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/06/15/i-know-what-you-think-of-me/?smid=fb-share

I haven't ever experienced something like the author describes, but the article really pushed me into examining my own words about others.  I don't really text or email critical things about other people - frankly, that just seems idiotic unless you WANT the information passed around - but I do say them... and one form of criticism is no better than the other.  

As a kid, I was told, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all."  Somewhere along the way, adults seem to convince themselves that this saying really is just for children, justifying the words that are thrown against their friends:

Well, I'd say it to their face, too...

Oh, you know that I love her, but...

Sadly, these excuses are drawn from my own repertoire.   

It makes me wonder WHY I feel so entitled to not only my own opinion, but then using it to judge and criticize others.  There is a clear contrast between expressing my perspective on matters that actually effect me and ones that don't, and yet I still feel a need to judge and express my judgement beyond this boundary.  For example, if I have a friend that I see struggling with something, taking the time to meet and express my concern and opinion on why it should change (read: encourage, support, love) is clearly not the same as talking about what I see and my thoughts on the matter to friends, mutual and otherwise (read: judgement, gossip, criticism).  And yet, I do it. We all do.

If unconditional love is what we want and what we want to give, I agree with the author - it means being known by others, as well as knowing the worst about another person and choosing to love them despite of it.  I do not, however, agree that a natural part of this love is a lack of kindness towards that person so that you can "bond...with your mutual friends" (don't worry - it's mostly behind their back!).  Just because this happens doesn't make it right and, let's be honest, for most people it's completely hurtful and tarnishes a friendship.  

So here's my request, friends.  

Let's. Just. Stop.  

Please?  

Can I be honest with my true concerns, but learn to silence that which doesn't involve me until asked for my opinion?  

Can you do that for me, too?  

Can we truly respect each others' choices enough to confront when needed, but otherwise choose to reflect on and appreciate the good in each other?
Can we stop judging each other long enough that we start remembering that we all, as the article states, have "the same interior complexity we take for granted in ourselves, the same capacity for holding contradictory feelings in balance, for complexly alloyed affections, for bottomless generosity of heart and petty, capricious malice."  

I say,  let's drop the malice and embrace the rest.  Embrace each other.  

...and I think the world may become a better place.

source

**Dislaimer: So, this is much more "heavy" than I planned for a 2nd post, but have no fear-  I'll be back with ridiculousness just as soon as possible!!